hello, it’s me…

long time no blog.

i’m still here.

as always, i have missed this space.

it’s a place that, for just short of 10 years, i have calledmy very own.

sure, i share it with you (if there are any of you left out there that might check back in occasionally), but it’s a place that i come to when i need a place to call my own.

it’s a place to come to share the story of my life.

the ups.

the downs.

the in-betweens.

the projects i’ve worked on.

the things my kids do.

the things i enjoy.

the things i create.

the adventures we go on.

i’ve missed sharing in this space.

this space i call my own.

coming back here to type these words feels like home.

for many years, i would spend naptime, time when the kids were at preschool, and nights after they went to bed editing photos and typing blog posts on my laptop.

i would also sit outside while my kids played, while we watched a movie together, or other times when i could grab a few minutes on my laptop.

part of the reason i haven’t been here as much is because i got a new computer two years ago. it is awesome, but it sits at a desk in a corner.

it’s in a main room in our house, but it’s not portable.

see, home is kind of like that.

home doesn’t have to be one place that you come back to over and over again.

it CAN be that place, but it can also be something that you carry with you.

home is what you make it.

this space is one of the places that i call home.

i like to bring it along with me wherever i go.

i may have to take back my laptop from the roblox and minecraft world and turn it back into my portable home.

hopefully, you will stick around to join me.

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impatiently patient

hi!

i’m writing this post on my phone.

my computer has been out of commission as we recover all the lost photos.

so, i just wanted to let you know that i’ll be back with some fun posts once my computer is working again.

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home is…being impatiently patient.

poof!

Two days ago I was trying to clean up photos in iphoto and I got a dreaded pop up.

dreaded pop up

I began to freak out.

Years of photos.

In fact, I had just downloaded photos from a field trip I took with Reece the day before.

Photos I deleted from my camera as soon as I saw them on my computer.

Then…POOF!

Gone.

Our computer guy has reassured me that he can restore them from our backup.

Next week.

It makes me thankful for this blog…and what I have done here for the past 4+ years.

If all was lost, I would still have this.

And, to keep it in perspective after the loss that people have endured this week in Oklahoma, it’s not that big of a deal.

Here’s the thing…

I take LOTS of photos.

I take photos of my kids that nobody ever sees (which I eventually will put into photo albums for our family).

I take photos of our home and garden…mainly for the blog.

I take photos on my phone.

I take photos for my etsy shop.

I take LOTS of photos, period.

So, here are a couple of questions for other bloggers and photographers…

What photo management software do you use?

What photo editing software do you use?

How do you manage a workflow to not duplicate and triplicate photos?

How do you backup your photos?

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

home is…always learning from my mistakes.

vulnerable

Don’t let the craftiness and thrifting goodness fool you.

I’m feeling completely vulnerable right now.

I’m just good at keeping appearances up.

I’ve been sick for three weeks. It started with a cold that turned into a sinus infection that is now a deep cough that I just can’t shake.I’ve been sick more than I can remember.Actually, the last time I remember getting sick this frequently was when I was a pre-teen. I had appendicitis, tonsillitis, and mono within just a couple years of each other. In the last year, I’ve had walking pneumonia, shingles, and this darn sinus infection.

I’m exhausted.

And, I’m vulnerable.

I feel like I am being attacked by my kids. Daily.

One won’t go to bed. Or, stay in bed. Or, obey.

One won’t go pee on the potty, Or, wear the clothes I pick for her. Or, let anybody but Mommy do anything.

I love my kids more than anything in the world, but being their mommy right now is very hard.

I get angry and resentful. I snap or use a not so nice tone of voice.

And, then I end up saying, “I’m sorry.”

I wish I didn’t have to say, “I’m sorry.”

I wish I just wouldn’t snap.

I wish I just wouldn’t us a not so nice tone of voice.

I feel like I am failing at my job.

So, I craft.

I thrift.

I do projects around the house.

Because I’m good at it. And, doing something I am good at makes me feel less vulnerable.

I get a rush of adrenaline when I am doing it.

It feeds my soul.

But, the laundry doesn’t get done.

And, the dishes are in the sink.

And, phone calls for doctors appointments don’t get made.

And, there’s nothing ready for dinner.

And, I haven’t worked out in months.

And, then there’s my husband, who I also love more than anything in the world. He is so good to me and the kids and works his butt off to provide for us. He is an amazing father and husband.

He travels for work almost every week which leaves me as a single parent on the average of 2-4 nights a week. The kids and I have our routine down and it has gotten a lot easier as they have gotten older.

However, I’m so exhausted from battling my kids, trying to be a good mom, and trying to feed my own soul, that I have NO energy left for my husband when he is home.

I get angry and resentful. I don’t feel like being intimate. I snap or use a not so nice tone of voice.

And, then I end up saying, “I’m sorry.”

I wish I didn’t have to say, “I’m sorry.”

I wish I just wouldn’t snap.

I wish I just had the desire and energy to be intimate..

I wish I just wouldn’t us a not so nice tone of voice.

I feel like I am being judged for not being a good enough wife. Partner. Mother.

And, I feel like I am failing at my job.

My job right now is to be a mother and a wife.

And, I feel like I am failing at both.

So, I craft.

And, I go thrifting.

Because it is what I am good at.

It’s what I get positive feedback for.

People say…

  • You find the greatest stuff.
  • You are so creative.
  • You are amazing.
  • How do you have time for all of this?

The fact of the matter is…I’m not sure I do.

If I spend my time doing what makes me feel good it seems that I fail at my job.

SEEMS.

I told you. I am feeling vulnerable.

Maybe I’m not failing.

Maybe it just SEEMS that way.

FEELS that way.

No matter what. It hurts.

It’s hard.

I want to be the best I can be at my job.

I really just want to be a good mom and wife.

About being a mother, I want to hear…YOU ARE AMAZING.

About being a wife, I want to hear…YOU ARE AMAZING.

{And, back to that dream I had the other night…}

It wasn’t about the bloggers at all.

It was about my family.

When I read other blogs written by other moms and wives…I know I am not alone.

I also know my feelings of vulnerability will be acknowledged by other moms and wives who read my blog.

I just feel like I am failing with my family.

Is it really possible to be a good mom and wife and still do the other things I am good at?

The things that feed my soul.

Do I really have time to do it all?

home is…don’t let appearances fool you.

the big fish

So, there’s probably more interesting things to write about, but I’m going to tell you about the dream I had last night.

I was at McDonalds going through the drive through to get a Coke when I spotted two of my favorite bloggers sitting inside with their kids.

All of the sudden, I was inside introducing myself to them.

They invited me back to one of their houses where their kids were playing together happily, their husbands were drinking beer, and the bloggers were chatting, laughing, and drinking wine together.

I wanted to fit in so badly.

They told me to call my husband and kids and tell them to come over.

I kept calling.

I texted.

There was no reply.

I sat in the corner, observing.

Feeling so out of my element and wanting so badly to be a part of their fun, but my family wouldn’t join me and I didn’t fit in.

I don’t remember how it ended.

I don’t remember if it just stopped, if I left, if my family ever showed up, or if I sucked it up and joined the party without my family.

All I know is that I woke up this morning with the vivid memory of this dream.

It could be easy to read into.

I’m a very small fish in this big sea of blogging.

Maybe, as much as I just want to keep my little old blog small and just here for my family, friends, and the few of you that chose to read for whatever reason you do, I still feel like I want it to be more.

Maybe, I want to swim with the big fish.

Maybe, it meant nothing.

Maybe, it meant I read too many blogs.

Who knows…it was just a dream.

home is…nothing wrong with dreaming.

spread happiness

Thank you, thank you, thank you…

to Kelle and Meg for mentioning me on your blogs this week!

You all probably already know who they are, but you can visit their blogs below…

And, THANK YOU to all of you who are new visitors to my blog this week because of them.

I hope you will come back for more!

First, Kelle from Enjoying the Small Things included one of my Instagram photos on her Friday Photo Dump.

My photo is the the middle one in the top row. She also had some great ideas for road trips…which I will use when we go on a road trip later this summer.

Second, yesterday Meg from whatever shared a photo of one of the globe lamps from colton + cadence that I sent to her for her Craft House!

See that?! She said my blog is adorable.

Anyway, these two women are inspirational to me, so it was an honor to be mentioned on both of their blogs this week. They both seem to enjoy life to the fullest and share that with others.

They spread happiness, love, and creativity, which is what I strive to do, too.

On Friday, I will have our summer list on the blog…inspired by Meg!

By the way…

I will be listing more globes lamps at colton+cadence soon…with pom-pom trim and decoupaged undersides…like what I sent Meg and what my giveaway winner won last month!

home is…fun stuff.

i didn’t delete it

 just deactivated it

As of this morning I deactivated my personal Facebook account.

{my blog and colton+cadence pages are still active}

I didn’t delete it.

I may want it back.

I just decided to take a break from it.

I wanted to see what life felt like without it again.

I wanted to not have the temptation to sign in.

You see, if you are my personal friend on Facebook, you can no longer find me.

That means, other people can keep me accountable for not being there.

Not that I care if other people can keep me accountable, but I care about that fact that it makes me less likely to “sneak a peek” at my wall.

I would do that.

Anyway, it was an amazingly freeing feeling this morning as I drove the little guy to his last day of preschool.

Yes, I was thinking about Facebook.

I was thinking about not really caring who was doing what.

Or, caring if I told people what I was doing

You see, that’s what I started a blog for.

And, I started a blog before I joined Facebook, so I just figured I would go back to the basics.

So, you will still find me here.

I’ll still be sharing our adventures, photos, and random things right here in this space.

You can also find me on Instagram (homeisablog) and Pinterest…I’m not willing to give those up.

Speaking of Instagram…

photos from {m}iphone

home is…welcome to summer break!