i’m still here, are you?

recurring dreams

First, I show up late to my final field hockey game after searching for my shin pads, mouthguard, and cleats. My teammates glare at me and my coach informs me that I can’t start because I haven’t been to practice in weeks. In fact, I probably won’t get a chance to play in the game at all. Then it ends.

Second, I remember, right before the final, that I signed up for a course and never attended the class. It’s too late to drop…and I just take an “F”.

Unfortunately, the second kind of happened to me in college.

You see, if I fall behind I get flustered up and {sometimes} figure that failing is better than doing something half-assed.

I’m not real good at talking to people about tough topics…I rarely, if ever, met a professor during office hours. Rather than suck it up, and go talk to my professor about what I might have missed, I would just keep missing classes.

By the time my senior year rolled around (and the reminder that my parents would only support me through four years of college) I finally got my act together and graduated. Definitely not with honors, but I graduated in four years with a degree.

stick with me

I’m getting somewhere with this.

That’s how I am feeling with my blog lately.

It’s been two weeks since Thanksgiving and I haven’t written about my parents visit. Well, I have written about it. I have an entire post written, but I haven’t gotten around to editing photos…and what would the post be without photos.

Here’s a gratuitous photo just for this post…

christmas card 2012 (1)

I am torn between the fact that part of this blog is to record events for my kids, myself, and my family and the other part that is for myself and for those of you who, without being my friends or family, have made the choice to read my blog.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE writing about my family, but sometimes I feel obligated to write about family visits and events when I would rather be writing about the awesome paint by number I found for $2.99 at Goodwill.

I feel like I dropped the ball on my Thanksgiving post, so I just stopped writing.

I didn’t finish my Thanksgiving post, so I also don’t write about my thrifting finds or Christmas preparations.

And, I beat myself up about it.

Blogging is something I love to do.

Writing about my family, design, crafts, and thrifting is something that makes me happy.

Things are still happening around here and I want to write about them.

Does this make sense?

I feel like I am rambling.

This is why I never went to talk to my teachers.

In the world of fight or flight…I tend to take flight.

Anyway, I’m going to get that Thanksgiving post up because there were some memories made.

Stay tuned…

home is…a good ramble and bad dreams.

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4 thoughts on “i’m still here, are you?

  1. Barista Man says:

    Freud would have a field day this blog. (Communicating about “unpleasant” things is almost always preferable to avoidance.) Since life is a marathon, not a sprint, it’s probably better to just to wake up tomorrow, have a cup of joe, realize that yesterday is history and concentrate on what’s in front of you that needs to be done. Pretty undramatic sometimes. Darn need keeps getting in the way want! It’s called life. Keep on keepin’ on, sister!

  2. kathy says:

    I don’t agree with Barista Man about most things, but I do agree that beating yourself up just makes you feel bad! Personally, I have a whole corner of my brain dedicated to storing those should-a, would-a, could-a uncomfortable thoughts… I sometimes retrieve them and cringe for a minute, but they are easy to shove way back! Thirty years from now, all those things can be just languishing somewhere in the back of your brain if you want to find your own storage for them! Good luck!

  3. Dara says:

    this is why I stopped blogging – I got behind and felt guilty and never wrote those catch up posts or anything else! I’m glad I decided to start up again!

  4. Dr. Duck says:

    Steph,   It’s a joy to keep up with you and your family through your blog.My morning prayers are the same each day.I thank the our dear Lord for waking-up that morning.I thank Him for all of my many blessings.I let Him know how grateful I am for my health.   It’s an attitude of gratitude;Mike G. talks about planting those good seeds …every day.   Joni Mitchel (singer/song writer) said ” it’s a constant struggle to keep my art alive while keeping my heart alive.”   Steph, you are beautiful,   D

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