not knowing where to turn

Last week I attended my first Titus coffee at the church where the little guy attends preschool. As I wrote in this post, I was not brought up going to church. We went on occasion, but I think I was brought up to be more spiritual than believing in God.

I still don’t know where I stand. What I do believe is that there is something bigger than us out there…be it God, karma, the universe, whatever.

Back to the Titus coffee…

The subject was a controversial parenting subject which I won’t discuss in detail. There were proverbs quoted, talk about prayer and giving grace, and a lot of things that I did not understand. I had a hard time believing that the subject that we were talking about is actually what God wants us to do, but I was convinced that it might be an effective parenting technique.

All of that being said, I am thinking about turning to God right now. My marriage is being tested and strained, my parenting skills are tested on a daily basis (I am sure the kids are acting out because they feel the stress of mommy and poppa not enjoying eachothers company), there have been things that have happened to me and my loved ones that defy any worldly explanation, and I am trying to find balance in my life and struggle with it everyday (who doesn’t, right?).

I can “talk” to all of you about it here on this forum, but ask me to talk with somebody about it in person and I clam up (unless I am talking with my beloved “quack” of a marriage/personal counselor, Dr. Brown). I am afraid of being judged.

Will it help my marriage?

Will it help my parenting?

Will it help me find answers?

Will it help me find balance?

I don’t know.

What I do know is that doing what I am currently doing, Dr. Phil would probably ask me, “Now how’s that workin’ for ya’?”.

Is it possible to believe in God, but not believe in all the things the Bible teaches?

I read a lot of blogs written by Christian moms. I have a lot of friends who attend church regularly.

It’s worth a try, right?

Who knows…baby steps.  Maybe another Titus coffee before I jump in.

home is…sometimes not knowing where to turn.

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7 thoughts on “not knowing where to turn

  1. Steph says:

    Steph – I would love to talk to you more about this…maybe at a playdate. 🙂 Are you guys around on Wednesday morning? I teach at the mall, but could be home by 10AM and if you go to MPC you guys could come over after that class and then I can make the kids lunch. Let me know. Or if that doesn’t work, we should figure out at time to get together!

    I think the beauty about finding out more about God and the teachings of the Bible is that you can learn more about it and make the choice to believe. God has given us all the choice of free-will which allows us to figure out what we believe. I grew up going to church and have a very strong belief in God and Jesus, but I did not attend church regularly during college and then recently I started attending church again. So I am somewhat refinding my faith and trust in God because I think for a while here I have swept it under the rug and just not really thought it was that important. Then I decided I wanted the kids to grow up learning and understanding Christian values and what the church has to offer. So while making that decision to give my kids a Christian education, I have realized I have really missed church and thinking about my life in Christian terms. I think I have remained true to my Christian values, but I do question if I really have continued my faith in God over the last 15 years. So that is what I am learning about right now.

    Anyway, I would love to talk to you more about all of this and other stuff because I think you and I are in such similar circumstances in our lives. Plus I just think you are one cool person 🙂 PS You should never feel judged…No one can/should judge you!

  2. Mrs. Fields says:

    I have been researching spirituality intensively for almost a year, I say “intensively” because it has been out of utter desperation that I began in the first place. I do not believe in God. I am not a Christian. I do not think there is any text or organized religion that has the answers. The answers can only be found within ourselves. Sprituality, belief, faith, etc. is a personal, individual, private thing but can be aided by learning about a variety of teachings, ideas, philosophies and methodologies. Finding the right fit is only possible if you allow yourself to be open to anything. Anything that teaches exclusion or any kind of separation – us and them – or negativity, judgement, anger, emphasis on “rules” rather than intuition or spirituality based knowledge of right and wrong is, in my mind, detrimental to the individual and to the entire human race. I’ve read many philosophers, the largest world religions, historical texts, new-age spirituality teachings, ancient pre-christian religions and mythology, and continue to search and research on a daily basis to draw from all belief systems that which is universally accepted as pure, right and most importantly feels right in my gut. Do not settle for joining up with something out of dispair, only you know what is right, trust and have faith in your own ability to make choices for yourself! I love you!!

    • stephany @ home is what you make it says:

      Thanks Bets-
      I believe in something, just not sure if I call “it” god.
      I agree that the answer is almost always within ourself. We are the only ones that are in control of our thoughts, feelings, emotions, words, and actions.
      Sometimes, I just get tired of trying to keep a positive attitude when the going gets tough (you know how hard this can be).
      I would never join out of despair, just as a way of educating myself.
      I love you, too!

  3. kathy says:

    in my experience, it’s good to have lots of people to talk to because people need different kinds of listenings/conversations on different occasions. Every relationship has its ups and downs (some of them very steep at times…), so your spouse is sometimes the best person to talk to and sometimes not. Sometimes friends are the best confidante for the situation… sometimes not. Sometimes family is best just because they share your history… sometimes not. A spiritual advisor is helpful sometimes whether based on religion or psychology. It’s tricky to know who to talk to, but it’s important to talk to someone when you are feeling you need that… I wish for you lots of family and friends and advisors to choose from so that you always have options to consider. As far as religion goes, if church attendance helps to give you peace of mind, go for it… services comfort many people … others find spiritual comfort elsewhere, outside of formal religion. I wish you peace.

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