Stick the Landing

Just about everyone is in awe of them.  Whether a person is an athlete, or an intellect.  Male or female.  Young or old, everyone is in awe of a perfect score…a perfect “10.” 

 The All American trait of competitive spirit often drives people relentlessly towards this achievement.

 Who wasn’t in awe when they watched Scott Hamilton come off the ice after getting a perfect score in the Olympics?

 Who didn’t stare at their television in disbelief when Michael Jordan scored 69 points against the Cleveland Cavaliers?

 Who hasn’t pondered the raw intellect it took to put a man on the moon?

 These are the thoughts that went racing through my mind this morning.  As I was pondering the pursuit of perfection and what it takes to achieve this my focus returned to the task at hand, and it hit me like a perfectly placed putt on the green of the 18th hole at The Player’s Championship…the perfect diaper.

 I’m a fairly competitive guy, I may lack some of the tenacity and drive that Tiger Woods has, but I still want to be the best I can be at everything I do.  Well friends, this morning it happened.  It was spectacular, it was incredible, it was everything I had dreamed it would be and more…it was perfect.

 The sticky tabs were perfectly aligned across the front of the diaper and equidistance from the centerline to the nanometer.

 The top edge of the backside of the diaper lined up perfectly with the front side.

 There were no bunches, bumps or any other irregularities that might have cost me valuable points.  No, it was simply perfect, and perfect in its simplicity.

 As you can imagine there are hundreds, if not thousands of diapering techniques and I have tried ‘em all.

 There is the “Bean Pole” – Subject is standing.  This is the most difficult technique of all, in my opinion.

 There is the “Pit Stop” – There are multiple diaper technicians working on the subject at the same time.  Each technician has one specific task, and is an expert at this.  Each technician is working at a feverish pace in order to change the subject’s diaper without the subject knowing it is even happening.

 “The Electric Slide” – Utilizing this technique the subject is placed on their back on the diaper.  Following this step either the diaper and/or the subject needs to “slide to the right…now slide to the left” for proper alignment.

 I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention “The Smooth Operator” – The subject is placed on their back on the changing table, both feet are held with one hand, subject is lifted up and diaper is slid in to position.

 Me?  I was just “in the zone.”  It was…surprisingly peaceful.  I wasn’t nervous, I had no butterflies in my stomach and my palms weren’t sweaty.  I blocked out the roar of the crowd, it was silent.  I didn’t feel any pressure to perform even though I could sense Bela Karolyi staring holes into the back of my head…looking…critiquing…picking apart every one of my moves waiting to pounce on the slightest mistake, like a tiger waiting for unsuspecting prey to pass too close.

 But, none of that mattered.  I couldn’t be stopped, it was destiny!!

 The diaper couldn’t be better.

 I put on his pajamas, straightened his hair, we turned around to face the crowd and bowed, then we bowed to the judges.  It was on everyone’s faces, the smiles from the judges gave it away.

 Friends…I stuck the landing.

 

“Stick the Landing” contributed by guest blogger, Ryan Taddeo.

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2 thoughts on “Stick the Landing

  1. Megan says:

    Fantastic imagery for this grande moment:) I love the descriptions of the techniques. Although I agree that the “bean pole” is a difficult one, it has become one of our favorites, as our little guy has no interest in stopping for anything! Well done, Pooh!

  2. Aunt Betsy says:

    very inspiring, congratulations on your perfect 10! I’d like to add one more technique: the “reverse under booty” technique. while chaning the subject’s diaper at a location not qualified as a standard pit stop (read: mommy’s bed, the floor, the couch…) the subject’s nude self death rolls like a crocodile in order to make their escape. While subject is retreating with full moon in view the diaper is slung upside-down underneath the toddler so that front corresponds with belly and back with booty. The trick here is not the placement of the diaper but the un-doing of the velcro tabs while securing the nappie to the subject’s body with one hand. Once the velcro tabs are retracted for reapplication a simple pull-hug-tickle is needed to secure the device.

    congratulations brother-in-law.

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